Battlefield For DummiesMajor Glory

Battlefield for Dummies

If you play BF1942 and you have a wife / girlfriend, odds are you have tried to explain the game to her. Chances are, that conversation went something like this:

OK, first things first. Battlefield is a game. Whenever you see a player´s bot fall, he isn´t really dead…

“How can that be ?”

Well, it´s a computer character. He actually respawns…

“What´s ‘respawns’ ?”

He appears again in one of the designated areas. So. In the game you have to cap a flag…

“What is ‘cap a flag’ “ ?

Well, if you stand by one of the enemy flags long enough, it goes white…

“So they surrender?”

No, that means the flag is in dispute.

“Shouldn´t it be both colors then ?”

That is actually a little how it´s done in Battlefield Vietnam, but that´s beside the point. If there´s no more enemy around, the flag turns to your team´s side and you get 2 points.

“Points ?”

Yes, you gather points with different actions. The game really comes into it´s own if you play as a team and get a top score in points at the same time.

“I don´t get it.”

Gnnnn….. some people choose to just play as one of the classes and be very skilled at that.

“Skilled ? It´s all the same computers and mousse ! All you do is sit there and bash away at that keyboard and mouse!”
Whatever. Some people play as engineers…

“So they build things?”

No, they mainly destroy..

“But then they´re not engineers.”

What.EVER. And then there´s medics… they can restore someone´s health..

“How ?”

They select their medkit and then stand or run around close to a wounded soldier, pressing the fire button.

“But if they fire, he gets wounded again!”

No, he…

“And those wounds just disappear ? It takes ages to recover from critical wounds! What a dumb game!”

Ehh…whatever. Next to normal infantry, there´s people with bazooka´s and snipers. And they have all these vehicles they can control, like tanks, planes and jeeps.

“So you´re saying that any player can control any weapon and drive every vehicle ?!”

Yeah, isn´t it great ?
“That´s dumb!”

Dumb?

“Do you know how long it took me to get my driver´s license?”

Ehh….

“And people train for months just to get skilled in one weapon. And then FLYING…”

Well, you have to use your imagination…

“Then why do they try to make it so realistic?”

Whatever. Now, once a game is in progress, flags are changing sides, teams attack each other, etc. But some things almost ruin a good game. There´s plane camping, TK´ing, n00bs…

“Wait, wait. ‘Plane camping?’”

Eh…yeah. That´s when several players just stand around, waiting for a plane to appear so the one who´s closest to it jumps in and takes off.

“And they don´t use tents?”

No, it´s a different kind of camping. Very irritating, since it paralyses your team´s striking force. TK´ing is even worse..

“’TK’… I don´t even want to GUESS what that is.”

It stands for ‘team kill’. That´s when one of your team members kills you. Sometimes it happens by accident, but many players do it deliberately, just to be a nuisance.

“What happens then?”

They get kicked.

“They KICK those people? That´s physical abuse!”

Nonono….they get disconnected from the game.

“So let me get this straight.. a medic, who is essentially an over-the-top miracle worker, can heal some supersoldier who can do ANYTHING and then goes off to camp WITHOUT A TENT, before getting excluded from the game for doing something you CAN do in the game?”

Errr…yes.

“I don´t get it.”

Wait, let me explain all over…